It’s self reflection time! Last night as I was trying (and failing) to fall asleep, I was thinking about different scenarios of todays events. Obviously they haven’t happened yet, I just have a tendency to over-think the unknown. My mind seems to just wander to good and bad scenarios, I don’t mind it because it feels like I’m dreaming, the thoughts are completely random and when I get to the actual event in real life I surprisingly just roll with whatever happens. My brain is weird, I’m not even sure if this is normal or anyone else does this but I like to think of myself as a dreamer (Definitely not crazy).
So here’s an example; I started thinking about meeting this new friend (let’s call her Alana) that I made last weekend. I literally pictured meeting her at a particular train station in the city, giving her an awkward hug and a big smile, we start talking about where to go for a couple of wines and she suggests we catch a tram up the street to this place she thinks is great. Ok so I didn’t plan out or think an entire conversation, I don’t even remember what her voice sounds like (loud bars will do that to you) it just feels like day-dreaming to me (even though I wanted to be asleep dreaming) and I also felt happy so I just let my thoughts go. I didn’t “dream” about us getting on a tram or walking to it or even talking on it, but then we’re getting off the tram and as I’m walking across the road a bicyclist hits me. So now my knee is scraped and I’m a bit shocked (in real life too because I don’t know why my thoughts went to me being pummelled by a bicycle. At least it wasn’t a car) and this genderless cyclist starts yelling at me for being in their way. I could actually feel myself getting worked up, so I start yelling back, how dare they be so rude right!? I remember people taking pictures of the incident and then I’m sitting in a nameless bar with my leg up on a chair, someones holding a paper towel on my knee and handing me a drink. Then I’m lying on my bed (in real life) thinking; what the fuck!? If this isn’t normal, then oh well, I don’t know what it is but there you go. There’s some insight to this weird brain of mine. I don’t expect any of that to happen. Plus expectations are what ruin an experience for me anyway, they ruin living in the moment and just having fun. Maybe that’s why my mind thinks up ridiculous things!
There’s a point to this story bear with me. It got me thinking of my texts with “Max”. I already know that texts don’t show emotion, but my last couple of posts mentions not being sure whether Max is interested or not. Well, his last texts were about possibly catching up Thursday (even though I just realised I’ve made plans with Alana, whoops) so he must be at least a little intrigued. If he wasn’t, he just wouldn’t have texted me or tried to make plans in the last few texts we’ve exchanged. The only problem is in my head. The over-thinking curse is lifted! I’m free from my thoughts once again! Of course writing everything here helps too! So I’m going to text him after I finish writing this. I feel happy thinking about it so why not. What’s the worst that can happen? He’s busy? So am I 😉