Tomorrow, I don’t know

1935307_10153552633023218_5012911049271746447_nThe long weekend has arrived! Australia day. It’s Saturday today and I’m surprised that I have no plans for tonight. Maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. I need a break, I need to unwind, watch a movie in bed (with a big glass of Merlot, as usual) and hopefully get more than a couple of hours sleep. I’ve decided to write this post about my life right now. I may not put everything into this post for fear of it being a 2000+ word essay, but I will give it my best.

Where am I now? I’m not even sure that I know! But in all seriousness; I’m currently occupying a haphazard (albeit big) bedroom in (sigh) my parents house. Yes I’m 29 years young (lol) living back with my worried (caring) parents, but I will get to “why” in a bit. Let’s try to give you a picture of my room; anything that could fit in there, is in there. I have a big, plush, queen sized bed. I’m 5’6 so I don’t even touch the edges when I’m sleeping diagonally across it, spread eagle, drooling on all 5 pillows, wearing a very old, ratty, paint stained Rolling Stones T-shirt because I get a weird satisfaction in looking like a hobo when I’m in my private sanctuary. Big cupboards occupy one whole length of wall, floor to ceiling. There’s a massive chest of drawers that I could literally curl up and sleep in if I wanted to. Other than that there’s a tv, very loud stereo, new guitar, ottoman, underwear (clean!) hanging on any and most door knobs, an artists sketch pad with a half-sketched picture of an unknown face that I haven’t touched in weeks, big wall hung mirror, a photo of myself with family, a calendar, a canvas depicting the world map, a Yoda birthday card from my 6 year old nephew and a framed quote telling me “A day without laughter is a day wasted”.

So how did I get to be in this unfortunate situation? Unexpectedly! I dated my ex for 10 years when suddenly he comes to me one day to tell me he’s depressed, there’s something wrong with him. Naturally I was there for him, gave him space when he needed it, when he needed to go for a drive for a couple of hours for “head space” I honestly thought nothing of it except that he needs help. Lets just cut to the chase; he was cheating on me. You would of thought I would be suspicious, but I’m not generally a jealous person, although he had tested me numerous times in the past. But honesty is a massive thing to me in all of my relationships so I originally believed the man I loved was truly depressed! What I found out was that he was a very good liar and an extremely convincing actor. The funny thing is, he dumped me. Didn’t give me the chance to do it first when I found out. Don’t ask me how I found out, girls are very resourceful, or at least I am. He dumped me the day we were meant to go on a trip to Bali. Little did he know I had already cancelled it that morning. I have a feeling he was thinking that he would still go on that holiday, with his new girlfriend (yes, he had already started dating her while still with me).

Not only did that happen so quickly, but I had also lost my dead-end job a couple of weeks earlier. It took me a week to pack my stuff and move it (with the help of my dads truck) into my parents house and store the rest, split our savings (which I am comfortably living off at the moment) that we had worked so hard for to buy the house of our dreams. I’m very lucky that all of our offers on houses were outbid!

It took me exactly 2 months to completely get over it. With a lot of “downs” and plenty of soul searching, I am completely and utterly at peace! I love myself, and I love that I get a second chance at life, to do whatever I want, to see what the future holds! I’m currently applying for more dead-end jobs, closer to the city, as well as share accommodation because I thrive on freedom and where I am now is not where I want to be. My Big Sister is also living here with her two children (a 3 year old & 6 year old) as she is separating from an over-bearing oaf of a man & a very toxic relationship. Not only that, but my granddad is currently in hospital, and at the moment I feel as though I haven’t sat still for weeks helping out as much as is humanly possible!

In saying all of that, this isn’t a sob story! I’m very happy and extremely lucky to have all of the people that I love in my life. I will always help them whenever I can. I keep changing my mind on career options that I can do (because I can do anything that I want now!) The most current one being an Architectural Draftsperson. I hope this little insight into my life can help anyone coming out of a long term relationship. Give it two months, you won’t be exactly where you’d like to be, but I promise you’ll be happy! I don’t know what tomorrow will bring me, but I know I will get to where I’m going in good time.

“Decisions as I go, to anywhere I flow, sometimes I believe, at times where I should know, I can fly high, I can go long, today I got a million, tomorrow, I dont know.”

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4 thoughts on “Tomorrow, I don’t know

  1. i LOVE reading about you and your life. I’m in a similar situation… kind of like a quarter life crisis, and its good to know I’m not alone. Keep writing and doing what you do. You’re amazing!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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