Tonight I drank tequila. Only two though, with lime soda. And I crashed. Hard. One minute I’m dancing around, eating crackers, the next minute I’m waking up on the couch drooling on my own shoulder. What the fuck just happened? I’ll tell you what happened; sleep deprivation. I knew my lack of sleep was going to catch up to me sooner or later, I just would’ve preferred later. I’m going to get another tequila.
I’ve been a busy bee today, well I am every day, but today I went shopping in the morning, saw my nephew for his birthday, ran some errands you don’t need to know details about, visited my granddad, applied for at least 10 more jobs & 2 share houses, spoke with a guy about teaching me to play the guitar (I need help, I admit it) and then back home for another late lunch and (what feels like) a long lost friend came to visit! Let’s call him “Tom”. So I haven’t seen Tom since before my ex dumped me, he’s a mutual friend and I’m glad he came over because I was starting to wonder about our mutual friends, whether they even wanted to be my friends still. I haven’t been contacting them since this year started, and I hate to admit this but honestly, I was testing them. Originally when all shit broke loose, so to speak, I told all of our mutual friends that I didn’t want them to choose sides, even when they were calling my ex an asshole. So I saw some of them a few times but I started to realise that I was always contacting them to catch up. That’s why “testing” them got into my head, I wanted to test the water, see if they were really my friends in the first place. Usually I wouldn’t do that, but I had just gone through a bit of a life change, so it seemed an appropriate time to figure out if the people I love and would do anything for would reciprocate those feelings and gestures of friendship. I actually didn’t expect to see any of them, at least not so soon. But this made me really happy today because I’ve known Tom since highschool and he’s been a friend longer than the ex. We talked for three hours, about what’s going on in his life and what he’s been up to, I’m not going to tell you what he said, this post will be too long. But obviously then he asked me the same, what have I been up to… Well, I told him everything! Ok almost everything. I let my feelings out, I said I’ve been having fun, making friends, getting hit on by guys, looking for jobs (which I’ve got an interview Wed), had an offer to house share near the city, slept with a 26 year old, fist bumped 26 year old after sex, basically just having a great time. And he said “you actually look really happy!” I told him that’s because I really am, I’m finally doing what’s right for me, I’m doing what feels like I should have done a long time ago.
We were finally chatting like the good old days and he tells me my ex was holding me back. He told me my ex is scatty, doesn’t know what he’s doing, questions himself all the time, questions his friendships, he’s quit smoking but still drinks all the time, his new girlfriend told Tom that “Dickface” (that’s the ex) sees them as girlfriend and boyfriend but she doesn’t see it that way, she’s awkward around the family and Dickface does anything and everything she wants. And you know what, good luck to him! I probably shocked Tom when I laughed, I think (and said to Tom) he needs to be alone, he needs to figure his shit out or he’s going to burn all of his bridges by putting his eggs (dick) into this girls basket (vagina). Tom said he was really happy to hear me joke about my failed relationship so easily and we all need to catch up soon. I agreed and he left. It was a great talk, great to know my friends are still here for me. I honestly hope Dickface gets his shit together, not for his own sake, he’s nothing to me anymore, but for his family’s sake! I miss his whole family so much and I’d hate to see them stressed because he’s an idiot. But that’s not my problem anymore, they’re not my family anymore. The most I could bring myself to do was give my opinion to Tom and then brush my hands off, wipe the slate clean, any other cliches you can think of. As much as I would love to help a family that was my family for ten years, I can’t do it, I can’t do that to myself.
The main thing that makes me happy here is that I know Tom will tell all of our friends what I’ve been up to, what I’m doing, who I’m doing, how much better off I am without my ex and I can’t wait for word to get around to him, for him to know how happy I am, how much I don’t need him. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. Or maybe it just makes me real. Bring on tequila number 4!