So that didn’t go down to well. I am never going on a date with a nice guy again. You may notice I start with I don’t know, but I had a feeling “Dan” was going to be hurt, he sounds even more emotional than me, but I still honestly just want to be his friend. Here’s how our conversation went…
Dan: Hey look I know you said you had to really think about whether or not your ready for something at the moment so just wondering what you think the chances are of a second date?
Dan: Not trying to make you be too forward but I wanna know just if I should stick around
Me: I’m not sure but if you need an answer now I understand, I don’t want to hold you back so I’ll have to say no to a second date. In saying that though I would like to be your friend, as lame as that sounds, coz you really are a great guy! But in the end I’m not really emotionally available and you’re ready for a relationship
Dan: Yeah I figured you would say that. I’m always that’s guy nowadays.
Me: Oh you’re not “that” guy, you’re actually only the second guy I’ve had a date with since my breakup, and the other guy was a douche lol to be completely honest I wish I was ready! But I’m not gonna be “that” girl that leads you on you know what I mean?
Dan: Yeah fair enough. No problem
Me: I’m sorry! I hate that I’m saying “lets be friends” I feel like an asshole!
Dan: Yeah it’s not nice on the receiving end
Dan: Has happened 10+ times easily
Dan: Anyway not to worry, all the best for the future for you
Me: I really am sorry “Dan”, I’m sorry that it’s happened that much to you, I would hate it to if I was looking. But like you said, you took a couple years after your breakup and in between you dated a girl and brought baggage with you. I don’t want to do that, I’m just trying to be honest with you, I really like you as a person and I don’t want to be a dick and lead you on more dates for nothing
Dan: It’s completely fine, I just hate dating and the shit part that comes of it like this
Me: I feel like a massive bitch if that’s any consolation, I’ve only been on dates 5 times in my life not including dating the ex so this is new to me and I really do feel like a horrible person saying no to a second date. I would like to catch up with you again just not in a date setting if you would like that? I totally understand if you don’t want to, but don’t let this or the 10+ times get you down, you really are great I can’t stress it enough!
Dan: I did feel like after the date last night that as much as I want to see you again, I felt like this was probably going to be the case. I’m not sitting here trying to barrage you and make you feel like a bitch as well by the way, I’m just speaking my mind and being honest with you. And I appreciate you saying that I’m great, but it still feels a bit like a kick in the guts to hear that.
Me: You’re not making me feel like a bitch I just feel like one. I like that you’re speaking your mind and being honest with me, I’m always honest so as much as I hate saying things that will hurt you, I feel like it will hurt you more if I don’t say it. I am sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings, I still want to know you more and I hate that I can’t give you more than that.
Dan: But that’s the thing that confuses me though. You say you want to know me more but for what benefit? Im just curious more than anything
Me: Because you are a genuine and honest person and that’s pretty rare these days!
Dan: I’m just sounding rather whingey more than anything right now. I dunno though, I think I would find it hard to just go out with you as just a friend after knowing that I wanted to see you originally for a date and got into that mindset of it. I guess I can try
Me: You’re not whingey, just confused and want to know why, I get it. If it’s too much to ask I understand, I just find it hard to find nice honest people that are so easy to talk to.
Dan: Yeah fair enough. I’m willing to try but can’t guarantee that if I have feelings there I won’t not tell you
Me: As long as you’re willing to try I’d like that, you can tell me if that happens and we can talk about it then, but in the meantime I wouldn’t mind getting a good friendship out of this
Dan: Okay then. We will just see how it goes
Me: I’d like that 🙂 again I’m really sorry
Dan: It’s okay. Feel a bit sad by it though still
Me: Oh please don’t feel sad
Me: Don’t be sorry either!
Dan: I don’t know what to say?
Me: You can say whatever you like just don’t be sorry, that’s for me to feel
Dan: You shouldn’t need to feel sorry. You can only have feelings for people and if you don’t feel like anything more than friends is what will happen, I have to deal with that
Me: I can feel sorry for hurting your feelings, and I do feel sorry. I guess at this time in my life I can only really accommodate feelings for friends, anything else is just too much
No more fucking dates! I’m not going to do it to myself or them! I just feel like a complete asshole! Of course I didn’t tell him the first ever date I had after my break up I ended up having sex with the guy, but that was a rebound! From now on that’s it! I’m just going to say no. No, no and more no! And now I’m thinking of texting “Max” for another “catch up” because fuck it, I have never slept around, I know the guy at least a bit, I know he just wants sex, plain and simple and well, I just want to. I just want to have unattached sex with a hot guy and not fuck with nice guys feelings. Sure I’m drinking wine right now (yes, again, don’t judge me) so I’m going to sleep on it but honestly, I think I’m just gonna go for it. Fuck it. Fuck me.