Not the sharpest tool in the shed

hammerWhere do I start? My date with “Dan” was surprisingly nice! From what I could tell he is actually a really nice guy, yes a little needy and intense, but really he’s just looking for love and he’s quite open and honest about what he wants. I caught him perving on a girls ass once, but he is a guy and he only moved his eyes so I let it slide. But after the date while I was lying on my bed, alone, I received a text from him saying that he had a great time and would I like to do it again, I came to the conclusion that I’m an idiot.

During the easy, laid-back conversation we were having after dinner, he told me his last relationship lasted 5 years, ended 2 years ago and he took that time to really focus on himself and his daughter (not son, see I’m a dick) and build his life up to a point where he was happy with everything before he put himself out there for love, for fear of bringing unresolved issues into a new relationship because he had tried dating a year ago and that’s exactly what happened. Now as for me, I told him my relationship ended a few months ago, that I am focusing on myself, I am at a great place mentally and that there are plenty of things that I want to accomplish this year, I’m relaxing, taking my time with everything and just seeing what happens as it comes. I also said that I don’t think I’m on the same page as him in the relationship sense of things and that I don’t want to rush myself into anything at this point in my life. He said he understands completely, there’s no pressure, it’s a shame that we’re not potentially (we aren’t) on the same page, but he’s enjoying himself and you never know. Cue goodbye hug involving him holding on for a long time, long enough to cite the alphabet and me leaving feeling like a total jerk for wasting his time.

So back to my homecoming text from him, I said I wouldn’t mind seeing him again maybe but again I can’t stress enough that we’re on different pages. He replied saying that’s fair enough, again there’s no pressure but he would like to see me, he was nervous tonight because I shocked him with how pretty I am (bloody hell), but like he said no stress. I told him he was sweet and I’ll have a good think about it. No problem!

I feel like I was honest enough to not lead him on, but I’m curious to what you guys think? Because he’s still texting me today and I’m starting to think I should’ve never agreed to the first date because that’s already lead him to think there could possibly be something in the future! If anything it confirmed my “not ready” feelings to the point where I’m back to thinking I’m not going to give my number to anyone unless it’s clear that they just want sex. Dan is a nice guy and I know he’ll find a girl soon that will appreciate him, I’m just not that girl.

Would it be too harsh to say I can’t do it, I just want to be friends? Do guys really hate being put in the friend-zone? What if it’s by someone who’s obviously not emotionally available! And where the hell are the men that I am only sexually attracted to! Fuck dating seriously, I just can’t do it. I’m looking forward to dinner and drinks in the city tomorrow night so guys stay away from me I’m not interested! Unless of course you’re good looking and just want sex.

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27 thoughts on “Not the sharpest tool in the shed

  1. I don’t think you could have been anymore straight with ‘DAN’, 😉 but I also don’t think he’s getting your message. If you sleep with this guy, you may end-up with a Stage 4 Clinger. I’d be careful in your future interactions if you want to avoid the drama (which I know you do!)

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  2. I feel like we should trade dating lives. All I seem to find are guys who just want sex. A nice, somewhat clingy guy would be a nice change for me. I think you have been honest with him. But if you aren’t interested, decline a second date. It’ll just give him hope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh we should definitely swap! I bet you when I am ready for a relationship I won’t find nice guys though lol. I will decline, I want to say can we stay friends though, he really is nice, I would love to just be friends!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. He wants in your bed, plain and simple. He told you what he’s looking for, you said you’re not looking for that and he’s still persisting. Especially letting him know you’re not looking for anything serious, a guy can interpret that as “Oh, you just want to hook up.”

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      1. It makes perfect sense actually. If you really don’t want to sleep with him, you should cut him loose. Hanging out with him may give him a false sense of hope.

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      2. Unfortunately guys don’t work like that most of the time. At least not under the circumstances you guys have started. It would have been one thing to have dated and realized you’re better off as friends, but it’s another have just started and to know he has romantic feelings for you. The only other real exception is that if you guys truly hit it off like a couple of buddies.

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      3. All I felt we’re “friend” vibes from him, I don’t see how he could of gained romantic feelings already, seriously! I think if anything he was just hopeful. I’m just about to put a post up of our conversation

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      4. Well when I say “romantic” feelings, that’s just a nice way of saying he thinks you’re hot and wants to… He likely wouldn’t have commented on her looks unless he was attracted to you.

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      1. No. Plus based off your descriptions of how he’s acting, now I don’t think he will register “Let’s be friends” for a long time. It could become a pain for you. This time, you shouldn’t be so nice. Guys are always hopeful. We need strong messages.

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  4. When I started dating again a few years ago, I was looking only for a few things, all for me. I wanted to have fun people to go out with. I wanted to have fun people to talk to, text with. I wanted to have sex.

    What I didn’t want was to fall in love or have someone fall in love with me.

    There were a few girls who were fun, but after a few dates they decided I was only dating them – despite me telling them otherwise. These were fun women who I enjoyed, but I broke it off when it became apparent they were on a wildly different page than I.

    When I met Waco, it was just for fun. But then we fell in love.

    I guess that’s what happens when one sets out to “date.” We can’t imagine being emotionally available until someone comes along who we realize we can’t manage to do without. AND they feel the same.

    I’ve not been good at friend-zoning. If he is romantically/sexually attracted to you, then it might be difficult for him to ever see you as friends. My two cents.

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    1. Thanks for your two cents, I understand that no-one really expects to fall in love, it just happens. But because I’m new to all of this I want to try be friends, see how it goes and if he gets feelings for me I will have to cut it off.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. For emotionally healthy people, I think it’s how it always starts. Best of luck. And I do hope you fall in love and it is wonderful and painful and joyful and everything you wished it would be.

        I mean, when you’re open to it. We can’t have that love thing messing with all your perfect plans…

        I dated over 30 women in my first year back on the scene, dated a dozen or more for at least 2 months, had multiple dates on the same days. It was just fun for me. I had no intention of finding someone.

        But now I’m rambling. Go out, have fun. Let Dan and Dave and Roger and maybe Margaret (if you’re wanting to explore) buy you dinner. See what happens.

        I’m anxious to follow your story.

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