Umm what?

653edc7d27d4201d657f37617a6842d2Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I have to say, I love it when you all comment on my posts, it put’s me into “thought mode” where I try to decipher my feelings and my crazy runaway brain. Here’s where I’m at; I had a thought that maybe I’m kidding myself, I can’t really say that all I want is sex. I’ve already written posts before about wanting sex, but also wanting companionship. I want a “friend” with “benefits”. Now this is my dilemma, this is why I think I’m kidding myself; what is a relationship? To me it’s having a “friend” with “benefits” and comes with the titles “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”, to put it simply anyway. What I want sounds like a relationship without the titles. Realistically, that’s what it is. No wonder people gain feelings in a FWB situation. You wouldn’t put yourself in that situation if you didn’t already like them as a person, if you didn’t have some kind of connection and if you weren’t sexually attracted to them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not gaining feelings of love for “Sam”, but is it inevitable? If I keep going with my “no expectations” way of thinking lately, this may just end up a massive disaster. I already know that I am emotionally unavailable, I definitely don’t want to bring any baggage from my last relationship into a new one, hence the FWB idea, I also have to consider this great guy may get more feelings, he may not too but I have to consider it because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings in the end and I know for fear of being hurt again, I will run away from any situation that I start feeling like I want more.Β To be completely open and honest, I texted Sam an hour before I started writing this. I said; (insert nickname) I had a fun time, let me know if you want to do it again -tequila. I was just about to start a discussion about whether or not I’m sitting here waiting for him to respond and how it’s making me feel, which at the time I was basically thinking that Sam must of just wanted one night of sex, great sex, at least I got that, as well as bacon and eggs, and that maybe this whole post is me reaffirming that I should say NO to men right from the start! But, he just texted me back; “Sure wifey. Maybe less tequila for you next time!” What a dick. Lol just kidding! So now I’ve got to work out what’s best for me in regards to this whole post! But then again, I am meant to be doing whatever I want, it hasn’t failed me yet, so go for it? Fuck, I just don’t know.


9 thoughts on “Umm what?

      1. Sounds like you both get along well. Which is a good thing. I can’t speak for your situation, but I wanted more than he could or was willing to give so I had to say goodbye, which was hard. I think you should just enjoy it for now. Sounds like things are going well. 😊


      2. I will just enjoy it for now πŸ™‚ I feel like running even just thinking about getting hurt so I’m pretty confident I will be able to leave if I get too attached. I can’t say the same for him though, he might not get attached, but if he does I honestly can’t stand hurting people. I know I’m over thinking again so thank you for your input, I’ll just enjoy what it is, whatever that is lol

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Oh LJ… I think you’re over-thinking this all. You sound prepared and you sound like this is what you want. Enjoy the ride! Take each turn as it comes, just like any other relationship type. Have fun!!! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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