Valentines day is today and It’s been quite a while since I’ve written down my thoughts, so here we go. Warning: this might be a long one, so I’ll try to keep the details brief.
Even when I was in a relationship I never did much for Vday, watching a movie at night was the highlight of the day. Today I’m surprisingly doing fine considering it’s the day of love. I honestly thought that I would be lying on the couch watching romantic comedies, eating tub after tub of chocolate ice-cream. But even though I’m not laying down comatose in front of the TV, depressed about being single on such a romantic day, today has not been an average day at all! Let me start with 2 days ago..
Friday; I had a date with “Sam” and it was spectacular! I loved the look on his face when I showed up at his house in my tightest, sexiest, red maxi dress. He wasn’t dressed for the night (or he was, but decided to change when he saw me) so he poured me a wine, I shit-stirred him as he was failing to iron his shirt properly and then somehow I ended up doing it. He had just picked up his new Range Rover that morning so we went for a cruise, talked shit, picked up some ciders and sang along to some ridiculous songs. We went to a Japanese restaurant later near the beach as the sun was setting, I had some wine, ate too much amazingly delicious food, chatted some more where he started talking a bit more personally than I’m used to, then we went back to his house for some “alone time”. The next day after some more extra curricular activities and a shower, I borrowed a T-shirt and we went out for brunch and coffee, then back to his where he played stairway to heaven on his guitar among other songs, at some point he got me in his arms while he played, which would be difficult to say the least, then to the bedroom for some more privacy for fear that his roommate would walk in on us getting cosy on the couch. After a light-hearted conversation getting to know each other a bit more than just bedroom activities, I started to freak myself out thinking that I was getting too comfortable so I decided it was time to leave, I had a Valentines date with “Anna” my older sister that night anyway. So I waved goodbye, thought about punching him on the arm or something equally stupid to make it more “matey” and less “I want to stay”. I got in my car, put on some happy music, was about to text my sister that I was on my way, but then there’s Sam, standing at my window, leaning in to kiss me, saying goodbye, starting to walk away, then coming back for another kiss. Fuck. Ok see ya Sam! Zoom zoom!
Saturday night; I arrived home to a mess. Anna laying on the couch watching episode after episode of Breaking Bad, the kids were at their dads for the weekend, the house was messy, dark and just depressing, so I peeled Anna off the couch, went and bought vanilla vodka, made a weirdly delicious espresso/vodka/ice-cream concoction, put on some uplifting dance music, sweated my ass off cleaning like a crazy OCD person, practically shoved Anna in the shower, had a sandwich and got dressed for a night out on the town! Bring on Heartbreaker! Dingiest, coolest looking little jukebox pub, tequila shots (always a good idea), random strange men with long hair, Kiwi bartender, free shots, telling guys we’re not interested, free Jack Daniels and cokes, Anna having the hots for the bartender (most of the freebies were from him), me drunk texting Sam (good one Lucy), Anna telling me the bartender wants me not her (not the case, she just gets weirdly jealous), told Anna I texted Sam, Anna storming out of Heartbreaker, I’m left sitting there thinking what the fuck just happened. Walk outside, can’t see Anna, can’t see much at all to be honest (fucking free shots dammit!), drunk calling Sam, buying cigarettes, Sam picking me up, cranked some music, get to Sam’s, get ON Sam, started talking shit, shit talk turned serious, too personal, I’m ashamed to say I cried, I apologised for crying, Sam held me, started being really sweet, calmed me down, fell asleep in his arms.
Sunday morning; Woke up feeling like an idiot, cuddled Sam, he asked me why I hate crying, it makes me feel weak, I told him a bit of my personal life, he told me some of his, I told him how hard it is for me to open up to anyone, how I detach from anything serious, I’m actually quite a quiet person, I’m always the reliable one in my family & the one that helps everyone. I was worried about my sister Anna, tried calling, tried texting, Sam driving me home, stop for coffee on the way, texted Anna’s husband, husband calls me crying saying Anna went home with the bartender and she’s fucked him and broken his heart even more, calmed him down, told him I’d pick the kids up when I’m home, more personal talk with Sam, Anna calls finally, husband’s going crazy calling her, telling her she’s a c*** and a whore (he’s lovely), calmed her down, I’ll be home in 10 minutes, Sam probably thinks I’m absolutely crazy at this point, talked a bit more, Sam said my life sounds like a crazy movie, it’s mostly just my sister’s drama, but yeah it really does feel like that sometimes. Get to mine, I give him a quick goodbye kiss, he says happy Valentines day, I say I hope he enjoys it, bye Sam.
Sunday Arvo; Coffee with a shot of vodka, I feel like shit, Anna’s drunk and still drinking, texted Annas husband to tell him to stop thinking the worst, Anna didn’t sleep with anyone just relax (she did but they’re separated so it’s best if he doesn’t know), Anna’s friends drop off the kids, they tell me the husbands having valium and going to sleep it off, I tell Anna, she runs off to her car and speeds away, I call the friends from her phone she left behind, what to do, ok kids lets go for a drive, put booster seat in car, play happy music and sing along with the kids, get to their house, tell Anna to go home now, she drinks the rest of the day, I babysit the kids and the drunk mess until she passes out. What. A. Day.
I was a mess in front of Sam and I got personal. It was very out of character, I’m always the stable one, I hate crying and now I feel like an idiot. Sam texted me to make sure it all went ok, sure I hope you had a good day, sorry for last night I’m not usually that stupid. Anna will be ok tomorrow, she usually wakes up feeling like an idiot, just like I feel now. I fucked up on so many levels this weekend. I’m not proud of myself. Everyone slips up once in a while. But on top of all of this, yep I’m getting feelings for Sam. Good one Lucy you absolute moron. Happy Valentines day dickhead.