Booty call

10670242_10153662049108218_9002232869927595967_nI’ve unfortunately, unintentionally and regrettably crossed into the wretched booty call zone. Damn. I’m royally fucking up any chances of being more than just an amazing (yes amazing!) lay. Fuck.

Sure when I started this fling with Sam I was doing it with the sole intention of FWB. Then the bastard had to get personal, telling me about his life and interests, asking me about mine, holding my hand, putting his arms around my waist, introducing me to his friends, staying the night and cuddling to sleep without having sex, being funny, cute, actually giving a shit about my opinions, cooking breakfasts and dinners for me, plus more. And he’s just sucked me right in! I know it, I’m a sucker! Fuck you Sam! I’m saying fuck you because I actually like it. Yes I like you. No I’m not saying I love you, or even that I want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I’m saying that there is potential and that’s the problem. I know you guys told me that I need to have “the talk” with him, to discuss if we’re going to casually date with the intention of not sleeping with other people and see how things progress. But I am absolutely scared shitless to even bring it up. In a perfect world (my perfect world in my head), he would bring it up, he would be the one to start that particular conversation so I don’t have to freak out about what to say or what he’s going to say back to me. But, like I said earlier, I’m a booty call now. And it’s completely my fault!

I know men aren’t really simple creatures but if you offer them food and sex easily and readily they’ll take it and be happy with that. That’s what I did Wednesday and Thursday night. Wednesday afternoon I was sitting having a lovely conversation with my mum over a couple wines when Sam texted me inviting me over for dinner. I replied saying “Aren’t you really busy with work this week?” and he said yes, it doesn’t have to be tonight we can catch up another night. I said I could come tonight if he wants, tomorrow night wouldn’t be good because I had work early Friday. I was thinking at the time that I haven’t gone to see him with such little notice so no harm done. Plus I wanted to “get me some” so why not.

Thursday afternoon I texted him to tell him that sleeping in until 9am was great (yeah I wanted to rub it in because I’m an asshole) and I hope he had a great day. He texted back about an hour later telling me it was long, lots of driving, how was my day? Good, I went shopping and was on my way to check out a share house. His reply; “are you visiting?”. I recieved that text while I was at the share house, I replied “am I visiting you!?”, “Yeah, you’re in my hood”. And even though I had just met this share house chick, she was interested in my business and told me to go for it after I gave a quick recap of my semi-dating situation, so when I left I called him and said if he can feed me and I can shower I’ll be there in 5 minutes. Done. I ended up buying dinner because I like keeping it fairly even in paying and we watched tv, I gave him a massage, we talked shit, teased eachother a bit, he did get my top and bra off which had to be put back on quick because his roomate came in, then we realised how late it was so we went to bed and slept. He woke up late for work, again, I had to leave (early start remember you idiot Lucy!) we fooled around a little but had to stop because he was already late and I needed to get home to change for work so unfortunately neither one of us got any “release” I got dressed, kissed him goodbye and off I went.

I’m kicking myself for going over on such short notice twice in a row even though I originally said I couldn’t Thursday night. Also because I was considering inviting him out for drinks tonight (Saturday night) because I’m going out for dinner and drinks with friends and I would’ve liked him to meet a couple of my friends since I’ve met some of his but now I’m definitely not going to. I’m also worried that I’ll drunk text/call him later for a booty call, tonight is going to be a big test for me that’s for sure!

I feel like after going to his house so easily and readily without any effort, whatever this is won’t progress into anything more whether I want it to or not. Maybe I should back off and see if he’s still interested in going on dates with me since we’ve just been “chilling” at his house lately instead of going out for dinner and drinks, or whether I’ll start getting late night “wanna come over” texts. I guess we’ll see. But in the meantime I’m really going to have to try my hardest to not text or call him tonight, I have to get it out of my head that if I did call him and tell him to meet me at a bar that him actually getting ready and driving out to see me is him making an effort. No Lucy, that’s him knowing he can get some action easily. Be smart you stupid idiot.

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